"Do you love me?"

our new senior pastor has been really doing great.. He started at IBC
since June and start this great I AM series... Nothing new for the old
dogs that's been around... But, surely you can never loose pointing
people back to Christ. Getting to Know Christ again like new believers
do are wonderful...
today, we talked about the abiding in Christ thing.. you know, the
vine and the branches.. am sure we all know the story inside out and
all kinds of theologies behind it.. you know.. what else is new?

We all know God loves us.. like the Sun comes up from the East every
morning.. Christians don't question that. So, abiding is about
intimacy with God.. we know God loves us, but, do we know that we
love God?

Am sure when asked, most of us would say, yes, I love God or even I'm
in love with Him.. but really, I think we WANT TO love God and
genuinely think we do but, how do we know we do?? We hear all too
often.. I don't feel God.. as if I don't feel He loves me.. Today, I
realized... maybe what it comes down to is that we don't Feel We Love
Him!

the last point from pastor was something like we love God because we
obey him.. really.. nothing new we haven't heard (in John, Jesus said
if you love me you obey my commands). Well, it hit a home run for me
this morning... how so? you think,,, it's not like Janice hasn't
obeyed God before and got all uncomfortable in many situations..

For the past two month or so.. I have been struggling.. although, I
chose what's of God and tried to do the right things.. I did what I
know how .. to follow Him.. But, my heart wasn't settled.. whether I
really love God or because I'm afraid of the consequence.. or I just
simply want to do the right thing... obeying when it doesn't really
matter to us is easy like tithing although it may seem big in other
people's eyes.. obey in what really matter to us is another specially
when it's the opposite of what we want....

when we stop wrestling with God, is it because we've won the battle
like Jacob or we knew God always wins so, we give up.. do we give up
wrestling before we settle the issue with God? I almost did.

I might have prayed all the wrong prayers not knowing what God is
really doing in this situation.. by His grace.. he answered me... What
I really need to know is not what I thought I needed to know... or
anywhere close..

I felt it. I don't just know I love God. I feel loving Him through the
painful choice I made ..I wouldn't be able to do so by being a good
Christian.. I did it because I do love Him more.... I needed to be
reassured, with all of my shortcomings.. that I'm still willing to put
God 1st.. I needed to be re-assured that I still have faith.