Recently, I've been immersed myself in online preaching from Charles Stanley to Ravi , Chip, and churches... It's like obsessively searching for an answer not even knowing the question while struggling to read the Word- as an audio learner.. learning by listening just makes so much more sense to me and then followed by talking to myself or mumbling to God.

It has been the most difficult year at work and it's not even really a year. Strange things happen in me and around me like those times when you read the Bible, you just don't get it. Looking back to see how it's a miracle to have this job and this residence yet, how things get so difficult & impossible, how I almost drawn and rising above the storm, one has to see it's 'ordained' to be this way. It's like preachers talking about refiner's fire that makes you pure but never want to go through it again! But, beyond that, it's the process of Christendom that comes alive. It's not just struggling with the passages in the Bible, it's struggling with the difficult reality of Christian life in order to inherit it.
and if my thought seems gibberish right now, it's ok just like the difficult passage we don't get and I'm in the mist of it..

as much as I love watching NCAA basketball... I'm actually loosing track this year...

hard to swallow stuff: "the priciple of the Bible we know is not ours until it's tried & tested."